The holiday season is traditionally a time for giving—whether it's presents to family and friends, loose change to the local Salvation Army bell ringer, or donations to charities before the tax year is over. What prompts this generosity? Although it's obviously not the only motivation, an important part of the urge to give stems from feelings of empathy for others less fortunate than ourselves. Given the importance of the emotion we call empathy; developmental psychologists have long been interested in how such feelings develop over the course of childhood.
In this month's newsletter, I'll describe some "steps along the way," that is, the progression from the earliest seeds during infancy to the conscious concern for others parents hope to see as their children get older.
Birth—8 months. Newborn babies actually come into the world with a jumpstart on empathy in the form of an automatic distress (crying) reaction to hearing other babies cry. This reflex reaction continues through the first 8 months, although with less and less out-right crying. Instead, a baby's developing ability to control her emotions makes it more likely that she will try to calm herself by looking away and/or sucking her thumb. She does not yet understand the outside event that is triggering her own discomfort.
9—12 months. Babies still automatically become upset at another's distress, but now they have additional strategies available to deal with it. Whenever possible, babies this age look at the faces of trusted caregivers to see how they are reacting and can calm themselves if they see that their caregiver isn't upset.
12—18 months. Although still motivated by their own distress reaction, by now toddlers understand enough about "cause and effect" to identify the other person's situation as the problem and to want it resolved. In addition, they are beginning to remember what behaviors others use in such situations and, therefore, may occasionally try to comfort distressed children or adults by patting or hugging them. The goal, however, is as much to help the toddler feel better as it is to help the victim, and it's not unusual for a toddler to react aggressively in an effort to make the distressed person stop acting that way.
18—30 months. During this period, toddlers develop a "sense of self," a conscious awareness of themselves as people separate from others. They also begin being able to use simple words and phrases. These two cognitive advances combine with a developing awareness of emotional states in themselves and others to motivate the toddler to more frequently comfort other people, express sympathy, and explore reasons for the person's distress. For example, witnessing a parent in distress, a toddler may say, "Why cry?" But overall, they are still primarily focused on their own feelings and aren't likely to spontaneously sacrifice something they value for the good of others.
30--48 months. More and more, the older toddler and preschooler takes his cue from his own experiences, from what he sees the important people in his life do in reaction to his own distress. Children who are hugged and kissed when they are upset are likely to hug and kiss others in distress. In turn, unfortunately, children who are ignored, belittled, or punished when upset themselves are likely to repeat those behaviors, too.
4-6 years. By now children are smart enough to begin paying close attention to how the important adults in their lives react to their behavior towards other people. High on their agenda is the strong desire to get goodies and avoid punishment. Therefore, if they have consistently been acknowledged for being kind, they are likely to continue being kind. Unfortunately, for some children any attention is rewarding. As a result, if their good behavior has consistently been ignored and only their bad behavior has brought them attention, then the bad behavior is likely to continue.
7 years +. Two major advances play a role in shaping empathy from now on. First, children become quite good at understanding how other people perceive events even if those perceptions are different from their own. Researchers call this skill "role taking" or "perspective taking." This skill enables them to understand better when and why people are distressed and to figure out ways to help. It also enables them to detect whether or not the important adults in their lives approve of their behavior. If (and that's an important "if") they love and respect those adults, then their desire for that approval—not just the "goodies" the approval can bring, but the approval itself provides a critical motivation for behaving empathically. A second important factor involves children's evolving images of themselves. No longer do they describe themselves simply in concrete terms—as tall, short, or good at videogames. Their self concepts finally start to include personality traits, like being a kind and helpful person or a dominant, "don't tread on me" sort of person. These self perceptions become harder and harder to change as children automatically seek to behave in a manner consistent with their image of themselves. By this point, the presence or absence of empathy is pretty much a done deal.
Clearly, the early years are critical to the development of this important emotion.
